Summer Sorrows

[LadyFraser]

Okay, My spirit is really down right now. I am so thankful that here is a place I can come where everyone knows my sorrows. I know that I am super lucky to have a wonderful husband who loves me no matter that I look like I have chicken pox all over my body...but as hard as he tries...he doesn't quite get how sad it makes me to look like this.
I'm 26. I'm small, and smart, and I miss being pretty. Now I am so embarrassed that I cover myself as much as I can. Today he came home with a present. A new dress for me. I wanted to cry. Its so cute, and exactly what I would have picked out for myself, if I were clear. He's so sweet to even try. But all I can think of is how I can't wear it.
I wish I had the guts to say "Who cares if people see it." But the depression is sinking in. I dread beach season. I want to go to bed, and stay there until I can wear my long sleeves and jeans everyday.
I'm hanging on until Fall. My husband is seeking a new position that will give us insurance again. And now I am more educated (thanks to all of you!!) about my treatment options. I look forward to trying a new treatment then. Can you believe I have had P for 10 years and never seen a dermatologist? Only family docs., and been given every topical known to man.
Please don't let my negativity bring anyone else down. I just needed to vent my sorrows to a few who understand me.
Thanks, I already, somehow...feel a bit better.

PS I ordered some Dead Sea salts from ebay. We'll see how that and a little "poor mans light therapy" will help until fall.

Sincerely, LF

[Diem001]

aww..I understand how you feel. Even though you don't have insurance you know you can still get treatment. Have you try getting help from the government? Two years ago when I found out I have PA. I got really depressed. It got to the point where I did not want to go to work. 90% of my body was covered with P. I thought about leaving my job I did not b/c I was afraid I would not have insurance. Than I found out from my job. That I could ask the goverment to help me.

You are very lucky to have a loving husband. Another thing there are doctors out there who will put you on a monthly payment plan if you can't afford to pay in full for the service b/c you don't have insurance. Good luck and keep thinking positive.

[LadyFraser]

Thank you Diem. I am already feeling better. Just some days are really down, you know? We have been without insurance for almost a year now. We haven't sought help from the government, because we keep thinking that position for my husband is just around the corner. Plus, we aren't sure if we will qualify. My husband does contractual work for the county, and is paid well. We just have no benefits.
I will call around tomorrow and see if I can find a derm. who will put me on a payment plan. I am just worried that because they see that I am private pay they will tend to rx treatments that are less expensive, and perhaps less effective.
If anyone knows a great Derm in the Mid-Michigan area, I'd love a referral!!!
Thanks, LF

[molly]

I guess we all feel like this sometimes

[Kimbercat]

You can also check out clinical studies in your area if you are interested in the newer treatments, and willing to take some risks. Some of them even pay for participation. Check out the Clinical Trials link under the Research tab. Good luck.

[rbout]

Hi LF,

I can understand how you feel. I just wanted to share with you that I was without insurance for a couple years. I told my doctor about my situation, she was able to put me on a payment plan and give me lots of samples. She also requested the drug company put me on their assistance list, which meant that they sent me a 3 months supply of medication free of charge. I just called her office when I had a couple weeks worth left and she resubmitted.
This doctor was part of a large medical group which made it easier for her to do payment plans etc.
I hope you find a good derm.
Your husband sounds awesome!!!!
Rita:D

[Zanshin]

You seem to have a great husband who really love's you for who you are. That to me is all that should matter as far as what people think. It took me a while to get used to it because I also hid my P all the time untill I met my girlfriend. I found out she isnt botherd by it and we've done plenty of thing's together that involve me wearing short's and exposing the large spot's on my shin around large groupe's of people. We've gone to place's like Six flag's water park and public pool's but I was having so much fun with her I never really thought of my P. If someone happend to look at me or mutter something she would just smile at me and hold me closer becuase what they think to her dosnt matter. It's all about who you are rather than what you are. I think your husband got you that dress becuase he think's you would look cute in it. So put it on sometime and go somewere nice together. Over coming the mental barrier of P isnt easy but alot of us with support and love have done this. So if your feeling down were all here for each other. I hope I've given you a little insperation. Best wishes.;)

[LadyFraser]

I want to thank everyone for helping me out of my slump. I was so down when I stumbled upon this room. I am really brightening up now!!
I am still somewhat bumming because summer camping and beaching is on the way...and I'll look sillier hiding behind my long sleeves on the beach than I would in my two piece with my polka dotted skin.
But, you are right Zan...the opinions that matter already exist. The man I love has seen me in all my glory--and yet we've still managed to have 2 lovely daughters. Anyone else can just look at me, and think what they want to think. I'll still go home with the nicest, greatest, sweetest man, that God made! And our two beautiful, loving children.

Thanks to All, so very much, for helping me see the brighter side.
LF